First, a few things. My neck hurts from craning too much although I can't recall why but enough of mundane life events. Another is hoping I will finally get to eat some ramen in Brussels.
On to what I really wanted to say, which is that I don't understand certain sentiments expressed by others which only makes one feel like he/she is being unappreciative. I struggle with many things, one being the value of my education and to see this topic being dealt with so off-handedly brings me much heartbreak and melancholy. It's true I tend to drift off into cryptic narration but in my head I keep these issues close so I can still feel like I am a sane person (repeat infinity) and try not to go off in crazy breakdowns.
Among many things, I always had trouble dealing with my academic self-esteem. This isn't to say I am particularly terrible in a certain field of subject (that said, don't come to me with numbers!) but I always imagine that I could have done a better job and that someone out there is at least a hundredfold more talented and intelligent. It hasn't led to very happy outcomes but that is not the point.
So a few moments ago I was reading about someone who was studying x in x place and being more dissatisfied than contemplative, my initial reaction was "I would die to be in your place" which I have to admit, is not a healthy first reaction but nonetheless it was a genuine reaction. Anyway, I keep thinking then - what I could've done if I could've been more capable in every aspect that I am and chosen something else than what I have now.
I'm not sure why I continue to have the trouble of coming to terms with my intellect and that I envy and to a degree, harbor a shred of hatred towards highly capable people. This is not to say I also admire and am in awe them in their capacity and knowledge.
I guess though, it's my turn to think that someone else would be thinking "I would die to be in your place" to what I'm saying.