sometimes i ask myself selfish questions: why do i bother reading kant or wilde or whoever fuck we think is a great literary artist when it's so much easier to be brainwashed by sexpopsongs and drinking my life away - what is this intelligence for when i can pay my debts with a penchant for an idealess world and replace it with nights i don't remember because i like it, i can fuck someone just because i am goddamn beautiful don't give me any self-esteem bullshit i have done things you will regret your whole life
all this writing and writing and endless endless alphabets
these words lose their meaning without an audience
these words are ruined anyway how can you mend something that doesn't exist
i am beginning to think i am ruthless
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