rzzldzzl

razzle dazzle



you continue to bedazzle

wake up

Wonder

All you need is one word.

kje veeg qcx dwyq ykt jtio ie hcge qtddej dewsb lwpwhyqcq wjd c naj's qheel c naj's dpewi c naj kjhy nwsnb vwgerth ahcilqeq kr ykt cj w icqsy ieikpy.

Auf Wiedersehen

One of my best friends left to be more than half a hemisphere away from me.

没办法送你上机场, 其实也感到伤心, 可是我想最伤心还是你吧! 如果我在场,说不定也会哭起来! 但是想不到最后一次见到你是一个多月前,想到都觉得好久了, 下次不知道几时再见面 (msn/skype 不算) 所以只有在电话和你说再见, 发 sms 祝福你, 希望你过得好 :) 我会很想念你的!

haha 像不像送给情人说的话啊? 我的中文也还真棒对不对?

Chronology

Monday: screaming wailing dissolving sachets of anger

Tuesday: painkillers

Wednesday: "writing 4000 words about yourself is easy" repeat infinitely

From me to you: 6376.262 km

Speed of light: 3.0 X 10^8 m/s

Time: 0.02125s

I feel guilty about feeling bad.

We are blessed with this terrible thing called memory.

Partially detached from almost everything emotional but myself, (seeing yourself inside out) I think this is it. I keep staring into space and wasting time when I should be doing something beneficial to my life like, studying lest I don't have a future life to lead. I just looked up "Corona" and it meant two things:

1. cosmos significance - the atmosphere of a celestial body
2. ... a beer.

Of course, the first seemed much more romantic to me. I like the idea of the universe and stars and the cosmos and not beer.

Corona might make it into my favorite words list. I'm still working on my favorite words list, feel free to suggest some!

The other day I told some people I was failing English they wouldn't believe me. But I'm glad we're not doing the other context which has two good texts - Enduring Love by Ian McEwan and Eternal Sunshine (!!) - glad because I wouldn't want to analyze either of it to find that it's different that what I thought it was.

Even fridays are beginning to look ominous.

blah blah blah www.twitter.com/cheriefairy

Decorums

It's mad it's crazy it's insane that it's starting to make sense. I need more words like 'mellifluous' or 'transient' or 'unwittingly' and maybe even 'decorum'. I didn't even know fully what 'decorum' meant until three minutes ago. I meant I knew vaguely what it "construe", but never really KNEW what it meant.

Like I said, it's unbelievably crazy it's beginning to form its own logic.

And you know what? I don't know if I should be sorry or angry, or have any sort of opinion even, when I'm nowhere as good as my godly-school-asset neighbor. And I'm popping aspirins as if my life depended on it and be late in the morning and hate it and I begin to wonder what I'm talking about at the moment.

So you can just ignore me and continue your merry lives. Which is not merry as it sounds.

And I swear, in six weeks, death will be so close (of course metaphorically in a Lawrencian intonation) it will stoke my eyelids and touch the innards of what I call my raison d'être. So yes, fellow parents and peers, I don't really know what else to say.

Unbirthday

Alice in Wonderland themed Unbirthday Party and also a tea party -

and I'm terrible at taking indoors non-flash photos. So it's all yellowish and orangey.

Sundays are all about the doom and gloom.

I'm not particularly apologetic but maybe just regretful, maybe hopeful, maybe elated in an illogical way that things have decided to descend in such a curious motive.

I wanted to say happiness isn't a choice. Happiness comes by default. Happiness comes whenever it favors your condition. It either comes or it doesn't. There's no choosing in this, no weighted options. But you wouldn't understand me. Just like you wouldn't understand what I'm actually trying to say is that

this is more frightening than I have ever imagined (and I wish I could tell you but I can't, so happiness isn't really a choice)
don't listen don't speak don't talk don't waste words - let's hear the silence that comforts us because it's the only way not to get hurt

sorry but I am not sorry. This week has been just........

nine places

on the bathroom blinds



in a glass jar



where you sleep



on a purple mug



on a clothes hanger



on the stairs



on a table



on a wrist with the wrong heart



in an envelope

the last place remains a secret