Eve of Eve

I'm on the verge of something something, a cliff of anxiety (bad metaphors! sorry) because it's the Eve of Eve. In an hour or so, I'm going to the airport and then tomorrow we're going to kl because it's the Eve. Eve eve eve eve eve - if you repeat it, it sounds holy like Adam and Eve and the Eden and all that and Genesis and you know what? I don't even know. I don't know if anyone is joining us for fireworks and sparks and lights in the morbidly and terrifying electrifying maybe, crowd tomorrow three.... two.... one....

boom bang crash! I LUV YOU I LUV YOU TOO BABY HAPPY HAPPY

But it's not going to be like that. Sigh.

I always hate summing up the year if it's been good or bad, I don't want to decide. It doesn't have to be good or bad, it can be both! Yes like through the looking glass, you see your reflection and bread-and-butter flies and you get back the other side waiting for something magical to happen!

but if you insist:

two readymade photos on the go! That was good. Sorry I left a huge sum of other people out because I'm lazy. Nonetheless,

Happy New Year popcrackspark!

Horloge

There is still time there is still time, that's what I keep telling myself. Still time for mending the year, still time for more chances still enough for just one more wish still time for talking to you still time for writing my letters still time for... everything but there isn't and there is barely enough time to learn another song write another name make new friends or be happy.

Another year and plane tickets become a sort of redemption every six months to make myself less bored scouring trying to make some sense why did you leave leaving left it's a choice to leave/stay and I chose to leave so now it's this today, gathering every loose bits of news as if it's heaven oh god you make me swoon dream of you at night who are you?

Another year trying to make sense always with logic and no answers! You little filthy shit I should've left you there in the dark room and you will regret it regret your pathetic selfish self that was january, come february I've forgotten about you and now it's December and I turn a little older and happy it will end differently this year.

I want a different perspective as I strain to wait for another catastrophe to happen so why don't you come join me and watch the final explosions amidst the danger what an adventure that'll be!

Your year my year our year! Remember that I love you I miss you I need you over and over one time one chance, one life. Pop the champagne let's cheers to our destiny

madness is subjective so I love you madly wildly hehehe laugh tease cheers! Clink your glasses please! You or me why can't it be you and me weirdly we are fascinating creatures we make up our own mistakes let there be a clean slate for aaaallll

end.

If you want to read my mind, that would be it. Two days left tick tock tick tock.

hurting fingers

For the last two days, all I did was sitting and playing my new re-tuned guitar (thank you sis!) trying learning excited to play I Will Follow You Into The Dark by death cab and hurting my fingers and it feels like two years ago when I was learning the guitar, callused fingertips and cold cold hands

pretty website i found!

French General

tea and sunsets: in a perfect perfect illusion, when the stars align, you can start a life with entirety and truth, you could live
or lie or,
love

hellohello

I received my second present from Hannah G (thank you grilllll very very much) and we spent fabulous time talking about House! In the recent comings of Christmas I have changed my ringtone to Let It Snow :) which rings jazzy jazzy snazzy! And makes me feel the winter chills and snow and snowflakes even though it's not winter here...

and the photos refuse to be uploaded!

And most of the days sorta drifted by and I'm sleepy a lot and my right eye is swollen I don't know why but I managed to make a pun joke (as always) it's so swell! See see?

Since I'm mostly going to be out tomorrow and rushing rush rush and celebrating tomorrow (!! yay) happy merry Christmas everyone :)

Noel

Love Actually (Is All Around)

It's such a pretty little movie! And it's Christmas themed and tingly bright lights love love love Christmas luv and all those brit accents! And when Sam said "The truth is... I'm in love" I was smiling because that's so unimaginable and the most awesome thing ever and the most kickass line

Let's go get the shit kicked out of us by love.

I realise I speak out of sync nowadays because it feels so unrestricted and feels like I could do almost anything, but I'll be so so so so so sad when I leave again.

something from late last night:

you are silence cut in half you are eternity sliced into a million pieces, i put a piece in my hair so you stay with me (forever) fester and nest in my mind, f l oa t in my mind, drift__ in my mind, creep up to your backbone and tick you pink (here)

A Few Other Things

a few other things lately:

let's buy some clocks and watch the time tick. A lot of different new things, a new world, a new mad jazz affair yes, maybe, impossible. sighs.

Twilight. "You're beautiful." - all shiny glittery people are beautiful? photos but too lazy to edit, more about spending time with people! walking walks and walks makes me mentally write but when i try again now, nothing comes! sad sad :( and the fact that I blog about disjointed sporadic moments are evidence of scattered thoughts!

I almost met someone I haven't met. I sleep but don't dream. Sometimes I dream while I'm awake on borderline sleepiness. Yesterday I've been haunted by road signs and safety and roads and rules and things I cannot remember today and the movie I watched last night.

november 29th:

if i question you with freudian theory, what would you say? if i psychoanalyse like you were mine what would you say?

so i want you to buy me shortbread from marks and spencer's, visit the kids section in harrods or... take a bus ride with me from leceister square to sloane square and revisit the apartment in chelsea i stayed in so many years ago. i want to walk in piccadilly circus and eat hongkong dimsum, or look at murky thames by embankment london london london we'll go to florence next because i love italian ice cream and then to prague because i've never been and you've never been or maybe even norway and trench deep in snow along the fjords

maybe i silently need you and if i ever think of you i can only remember what you haven't said to me and all this can be comforted by a secret escapade of the world. who are you?

merry christmas, a month early

stay happy be merry remain cheery! fairy deary oh so brightly! until you disappear! peek-a-boo!

delightful

more delights!:

haagen-dazs made my night! nyum nyum cookies and cream, summer berries (my second fave after melon!) mango and passionfruit and rum raisin! pretty pretty polaroid but everyone came out tiny :( but it's ok. we will take more soon! I'm sorry I am stingy with film it cost so much it makes my heart ache but Christmas is coming so we have to share and care and falalala! Starbucks gifts and mugs and coffee and tea. Everything Is Illuminated is a goodie good good book!

homecoming dinner!:

in the ayer, ayer, ayer means we are hot damn! "we're so in we're out you know?" because I crack ridiculous jokes, yay necks you have a booeetifool neck mabel i wuv you forever ever, jo nathan & tj also did the one to infinity poses but mine only starts from 3. hellohello.

my lack of words are replaced by abundance of photographs and merry joy! I'm going to waste money tomorrow at the movies!

heureux

I am camping out in my living room with lights switched off and watching House on the big screen (exciting because i love it i love it - the big screen and House) with a cosy corner for sleeping! Today we spent 5 hours, or more sleeping, talking about 3D faces, "she has nine breasts" and suffer from hungerhunger. I watched two movies and rewind parts I like along the way and almost forgot how to make instant noodles just to throw half of it away.

I realise I miss home more than I know. :( i will cry and moan and feel... depressed when I leave. ...sigh. On the brighter side, christmas!

Coffee Break

snowflakes

It's odd how the first thing I get back is to consume copious amounts of caffeine. First an express from the coffee machine then the gets-cold-too-fast christmas coffee. The first thing I also tend to do is spend my time in a bookshop. Which I did, and ended up with two new books!

I received my first christmas present yesterday while having said christmas coffee and I have yet to open it because I like opening my presents when my birthday + christmas comes! I think I have a knack during december to constantly remind everyone that my birthday is as soon as christmas (like right now I am telling you) because it is. and thank you Thumbelina!

even my walls remind me of christmas because it's painted light green.

fairy

I feel aloof. or the lack thereof. i don't find the necessity to nitpick every detail with precision as i usually do. if not today, then tomorrow. i fear there will be something to fear. i fear that if... i find something or someplace that makes me happy, i will never have it. i slept at 3am in my mind, i woke up in the middle of the night thinking "i misplaced myself at a train station"

an elevated sense of drama a desperate hope i can't decide which is worst

morning evening: (this is how i think right now)

my mind loops cherie cherie fairy! what else rhymes? smile smile look and walk ahead! fairy godmother will make you dreams come true i smell like
christmas season
toffee nut starbucks
sweat
i am the sweetest bitterest heaviest, last to leave your lips
i am missed i am swept away yet i am here here here
cherie cherie fairy you look so pretty! maybe maybe maybe baby.