Here In MY Home

Midnight aeroplanes and dizzy lights, a long distance call from home discussing plans (which ended up with noise and screaming); there was free Wii play! and then boarding. As per usual, the movie watching before heading to sleep at around 2am, waking up to bright yellow lights planes have and a quiche which I did not bother to eat.

First meal back. Cheers for Yeo's Chrysanthemum tea! :D and a bowl of beef rice noodles hoorah.

First thing after a bath and an hour's sleep? Karaoke. Which was more of screaming out like an off-tune rockstar (with the exception of chinese songs because you just can't fake sentiment man!) and jokes - "FAIL"? and then linking arms and walking fast (do you always walk this fast one Michie!) trying to navigate around, me getting lost in a disarray of lights and sound of Asian Avenue then found Min and Wen and Jeremy-from-Malaysia but studies in China ;)

I digress. I am prone to swearing repeatedly and sounding excessively whiny/bitchy/annoyed/complaining-ish when music in an area is too loud. And which so happened was the place I was at, so whaddyaknow? I'm sorry if you guys think I was being very anal, which I was at the time :\

And I'm sorry we had to go pee ah Min :( and we missed the performance! /end digression

Lingered round a bit, bumped into many people-strangers becuz Min has connections like that yo ;) checked out food prices in Marks & Spencer which looked absolutely tempting but not quite so to the financial side.

I got my hair cut and so, say hello to my new hair :)

Kinokuniya for a round of book shopping and that was highly therapeutic. Pride and Prejudice (!!) for 8.50 and more books ;)

Last night we went out for dinner at a hot, humid coffee shop and that's when I knew I was home. Having to clean bright-coloured plastic chopsticks and spoons with tissues; kopitiam and hawker stalls and Cantonese dialect, the suffix –lah in almost every sentence.

Everything is still kind of in a limbo where crazy unexpectable things happen topped with overly sweetened senses. But some parts of me are glad to be home, even for a short while :)

Excerpts from two weeks

A little before 5pm

I am browsing through black and white photos on flickr and suddenly my browser hangs and it scares the hell out of me. Not because the page decided to die, but it is this horrible feeling that is both so nauseating and disgusting it’s terrifying. It's as if it made a decision to mock me in apprehensive laughter, puppeteering the strings well; as if it was testing my patience, and slapping me with the feeling of rejection. Just then, I swear I could feel a lapping of ugly taunts silently chanting "jeopardize jeopardize" on full charge.

6.57pm

And then I was standing in the cold after class, there came an estranged moment of solitude; cool and collective.

10.31pm

I still have my laptop clock set 2 hours behind a fellow Melbournian time, just to remember how home will feel like at 8.32pm. just a little keepsake – I tell myself, just so I can feel better. It’s scary, looking at the date.

…fast forward to an early Tuesday morning a week later,

“…he builds his characters around strength, giving them paranormal supremacy. Florence is crafted to be gently delicate but fierce, stubborn and indignant towards Edward’s overwhelming desires and expectations, and ultimately, an innocence of his own.” my thoughts on reading ‘On Chesil Beach’ by Ian McEwan.

Yesterday

I receive a message and I get so angry I begin to pack my luggage in an out-of-rhythm frenzy because the sender was someone who sounded mighty jubilant and I think how dare you come and talk to me in your airy pretence as if nothing ever happened when some time ago, you refused my opinions and threw them back at me? So I just leave the phone still in its charger, fingerprinted with my revulsion.

Today

Tonight I am going home. And I am quite nervous and happy.

Enchante!

Sometimes I do think I have the awesomest friends,

School on Devon's birthday! :)

Don't even bother.

I heart Marlie's huge tomato sauce! You know you luv it too ;)

"Reaching for the chip"

Tute photo! Aiyah, not even my tute because we crashed theirs and took advantage of the chips :P

GAAANDALF in the form of Shef.

Isn't this phone purplishly pretty!

Trained down to Crown Casino to play Laser Tag - which I won/tied with Marlie MUAHAHA Electra is pro man - and arcade. I won Daytona! I know! I'm surprised myself too! I never was good at racing car games ;)

I like the city at night. It was drizzling while we walked to the station, and then decided spontaneously to take photos by the river bank :)

Jess is an Eskimo.

:)

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A bit of dry spell when it comes to writing this week, hence the photo dump to avoid writing anything :P I haven't finished packing all the small things: lavender lip balm, a book for reading, kl sim card, and the feeling of going home. This week I confessed that I feel almost anxious and afraid to go back, but I don't know how true this is.

Last minute to-do-list:

1, bring $$ for Sara tomorrow
2, ask Marnie if she wants her badminton racquet
3, bring work back to do

okay, maths time. ... Again.

What makes up most of my day,

Reese's Caramel Peanut Butter Cups, the after dinner snack with the stick-to-your-teeth kind of chewy feeling

Tour of (part of) my table

1, "faur souffrir pour être belle" - one must suffer to be beautiful
2, colourful badges I got for $1!
3, paper clip + paper heart
4, sticky tape for miscellaneous purposes
5, Reese's wrapper!
6, T2 mini tea cup used for storing short pencils (ie. Ikea, Queen's Birthday and Compass pencils) + Starbucks cup (I had hot mocha)
7, Japanese dolls from Japan fair
8, Namecard from Floyd the restaurant
"So the dash of pink at the side symbolises Pink Floyd?"

More Starbucksy related stuff. Receipt from an outlet in Bd Saint Michel in Paris, my 'Spreading Cherie-ism' badge given by Mich, Vietnam keychain from Ty, and a glimpse of M's Christmas card :)

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It's good to be painless, devoid of acute migraines and popping pills 3 times a day :\ I've stuck a magnetic timer onto my whiteboard #1 (as seen in photo above, because I have two whiteboards and 2 bulletin board) and it currently says "6 days" left till home. The weekend has rushed by quickly, I read Act 1 Scene 7 (final scene for act 1!) of Macbeth, did Maths and watched Secret Window.

Last week I flurried through 'By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept' in about 2 days. These are one of my favourite lines:

He put down his coffee, lit a cigarette, and looked at the ceiling for a long
time. Then he turned to me. "It's a very simple sentence," he said. "I love
you."

I hope the Semester ends well. :)

Where Everything Belongs

On Barcelona and Sagrada Familia

The more I think about it, the more unprepared I am. I'm a perfectionist in disguise, planning every extract of experience. I’ve always envied this city, but in a sense that I will be there someday. I told mom it was “sunshiny and tropical” when we arrived, pulling my Samsonite luggage across the walkalator along the overhead bridge; not knowing that after the train, there was still a long distance till we reach the hotel. The camera didn’t make anything easier.

But I was there. I was standing on soil entrenched with artists’ life, Salvador Dali –oh yes “The Persistence of Memory” – and grimy streets with drunks. On the second night, I witnessed a drunk stealing wine bottles from Carrefour. He walked right though the sensors without getting caught, he hid the white wine under his shirt, tucked, kept away for segueing the addiction. Magicians, asking me to pick cards; “konichiwa! Are you Japanese?” “ni hao ma?” The country is diluted with nationalities, painted with languages.

Sagrada Familia reminded me of glass houses because of its colour tinted windows, obelisque round edged architecture with ongoing construction. Dad’s conversation with me;

“Could you possibly photoshop out the construction from the photos?”

Being stingy, I didn’t take the elevator nor the 155 (?) steps up the tower for more than 20 euros. I was hungry anyway, and food is always a good thing.

I sleep well during the night because the room was a warm cove, with free internet access and a lovely library at the lobby with books on art and history. The window view delighted me because morning was rosy pink that landed on the roofs of old buildings and skies that are somewhere between yellow and blue.

I couldn’t possibly bring myself to talk to friends because this was something I wanted to do alone. I ignored smses, replying some half-heartedly because love just wasn’t far enough to reach me, some kind of grey matter between northern hemisphere all the way to the equator. I picked up a postcard from Hard Rock which reminded me of my friend Eugene and his red guitar and I gave it to him when I returned home, thrilled myself spending money on cheap clothes (Zara is the best thing that has ever happened in Spain) , writing and taking photos.

Roamed the streets at night, felt jet-lagged every single day but it has got to be worth it coming this far, strolling along the pier watching people kiss but not having anyone else’s hand to hold, but it’s okay. But mostly just drinking coffee and talking, and most importantly just keeping my heart intact and safe where it should belong.

Supercalifriagilisticexpialidocious

It takes a while for the static noise to reverberate, to familiarize itself into the grainy faraway voice and then “Supercalifriagilisticexpialidocious” starts playing so I watch the needle of the turntable sink into the smooth grooves of the vinyl making revolutions on those faint lines.

Here comes the arbitrary silences after each track, a pause in the air without any significant presence. Then I realise it's during these moments, during occupied events when I least expect it, something tries to edge between the small recesses of time. It's during these momentary silences when everything freezes, like today on a winter morning when I was steaming char siew pau’s for breakfast, walking down the stairs holding the railings, arranging my desk or putting on music.

They come in small and painful sizes. Without any ribbon or gift tag that says "Happy (occasion)!" or anything else. Just in its own form, neutral and unbiased. They make me realise that I am feeling worst that I want to admit.

Afterwards, Mary Poppins continue to sing... "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, the medicine go down, in a most deee-light-ful way!"

... and I don’t feel like I’m ready to go home yet.

I think,

It started off during the midst of arranging tables for PMR and planting bad karma for people we didn't like, touching the ugly brown uncomfortable plastic tables when the names came about; also the person with such amazing transitions (oh yes) you would hesitate if she was the person she is today - but with all gullibleness and sporadic moments in life, never failing to look good in any photo opp or simply just talking. She's got the upperhand, I think talking with her made some things less awkward. Sometimes I don't remember these things but when I do I remember a conversation when we were thirteen and in the library,

"So your favourite colour is black, are you going to dye your hair then?"

"Oh... Probably highlights, you know? With brown streaks... That might look good." I reply with all the heartiness when you're in a puberty thirteen year old self.

(but then I bet she doesn't remember it because I'm the one with 'good memory' haha)

... And now I think highlights make people look like hyenas, unless you're cool enough to pull it off.

Then some days these situations evade me and I think of her now and how she still talks excitedly, the most outrageous stuff you will ever hear. Or when two weeks ago, I told her that M was the one who ruined my 'welcome home' surprise exactly a year ago and didn't know that at all.

Nostalgia aside, I feel bad for missing it second year in a row but I'm sure you'll have a great seventeenth today :)

Happy birthday, Tiffany Leong slash KPY!

love, your mu tou friend. (sigh this has got to change! grrr :P)

Warung Kek dan Lain-lain

Cake stall last week, blah blah blah. I'm not fussed to elaborate because we managed to raised more than $600 for the Earthquake victims and then spent an hour counting coins - goddammit those coins "one dollar two dollar"...

Last Tuesday:

Marnie shi zhong guo ren! Too cute.

'Em pretty cupcakes, one of the bestsellers ;) including mine which I didn't get a photo of because I was in such a hurry to help set up/and the previous night was a lot of fumbling with the icing

Some people just bought theirs. Where's your creativity!

The happy cheena organiser. She is so blue.

Presenting happy customers:

Behind the scenes:

And now... for some post-exams (finally) fun!

Kamu ingat saya tak boleh lagi cakap BM ah! Saya membuktikan lah di sini hmph! Di-tag oleh Jade/Yumi:

7 fakta tentang saya
- Saya letih kerana sudah buat peperiksaan matematik DAN kimia hari ini
- Saya mau cakap dengan seorang sekarang
- Saya rasa panas kerana ada itu pemanas
- Saya ada satu lagi bodoh GAT esok
- Saya reti cakap sedikit Perancis :P jeles ah!
- Saya boleh bercakap banyak
- Saya.. tak tau lah!

7 perkara menakutkan saya
- Jatuh sakit
- Rama rama (saya benci pun!)
- Saya sendiri
- Tak ada buat masa sekarang...

7 lagu buat masa sekarang
- Semua lagi Inggeris pun.

7 perkara yang selalu saya sebut
- Alamak! (Shit)
- Oh Tuhan! (ohmygosh)
- Benar??!! (Really!)
- Apa? (What!)
- Pergi matilah! (Go die)
- Tak tau (Don't know)
- Gila! (crazy!)

7 perkara yang amat bernilai
- Keluarga
- Kawan
- Kamera
- Komputer
- Kebenaran
- Cita-cita
- Wang!

7 “pertama kali” dalam hidup saya
- Susah fikir ini. Malasnye. Tak mau buat :P

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Alright, there's more to talk about but I'll save it for another time. I think the heating's turned on too hot and I have a headache now :( and there's something else bothering me. Goodness. Sometimes I wish that plastic Harry Potter wand does do magic.

Big things, bright lights

Glo

Everything is centered hazily around an amorous dreamlike state; a flurry of blurred motion, I have been surrounded by figures big and small all day: "What is the bearing of Ship B from Dock A?" "Jamie invests $1000 with a compound interest of 12.5%, what is the amount after 10 years"... . .. .. . I find myself slowly drifting away into these numbers, they become necklaces and beads, hanging around your head.

On Saturday, ditched home studying to go to the State Library, and ending up:

1, Galileo's Early Notebooks (don't play play!) 2, Marlie studying intensely at the work of her idol and his work of 'The Assayer' 3, I pledge faithful allegiance to Galileo's wisdom and dedication towards Physics and his observations of Astronomy. *faraway look in eyes*

Conclusion: We love Astronomy. We really do.

The State Library is awesome for rummaging through, we saw a man with his Mac Airbook (he just clumsily held it on his knee and onto the floor), laughing at people, stealing pencils in commemoration of the Queen's birthday (which is today) and all sorts of silly unanimous laughter.

Wait for part 2 ;) And bargain hunting for vinyl makes me a happy happy person! :)

The N Word

Shu Lyn gave me an 'N' to do and it wasn't till I browsed through my songs did I realised that I lack songs starting with 'N'! But anyway,

New Candles, Death Cab For Cutie
Sung by Chris Walla instead of Ben Gibbard, so I don’t really fancy this one. He sounds really punk rockish instead of Ben's usual soothing voice... And it reminds me, Death Cab are coming but nooo we can't go because it's over 18's. *sulks*

Never Let Me Go, Stacey Kent
From Breakfast On The Morning Tram! Sounds really really good on speakers and on weekend mornings. And preferably during romantic moments? ;)

Newport Living, Cute Is What We Aim For
Hahahaha I love this song! It’s hilarious.

“In every circle of friends, there's a whore
the one who flirts and does a little more
but who's to say this is a social scene anyway
And everybody wants to explore the new girl”

Don't deny it, it's true!

Numb, The Vitamin String Quartet Tribute to Meteora
Errrr-may-zhng! TVSQ is love okay. Really, just go listen to it. And if you don't have it, I will send it to you! That's how good it is.

Not Your Concern, The Hush Sound
From the new album Goodbye Blues! This sounds surprisingly catchy, good to sing along :P

This one was particularly fun because it's so short (and I'm lazy) so if you want to do it tell me and I'll give you a letter as well! :P muarghaha!

Long weekend and guess what I'm doing?

Sleep

narrow stairs (!! finally) & white boards and new necklaces

11 pages of essay writing today almost killed my hand. :( It's crying out in agony right now. I am tired and sleepy, and random quotes floating around in my head. But now!

Adieu John Wade and My Lai massacre (finally finally finally) no more remembering quotes like "kill Jesus!" or "The truth is inside, or not at all", GOODBYE expository essays of conflict, au revoir short stories and media analysis!!!!

One more week one more week one more week, remember to breathe Cherie. :)