BELLES-LETTRES

Non-chronological timeline, you and I

2012-02-05T02:51:00.003Z

I need to come to terms that life isn't always about the choices I made, but the ones that I didn't. Learning to leave everything alone is harder than you think. Saying this makes me weak but if not here then where? This week has been very cold, I've been listening to Lana Del Rey, now it's snowing. It's brighter when it snows.

I'd like to go backwards in time, because strangeness is a feeling that is most intimate than any other. Comfort is good but strange is better.

"Dear imaginary person, this is me being wishful but I'd give you my cartographic treasures and the maps of places I've been to so you can retrace my steps and see what I've seen."

Earlier tonight, we went out to the docks, Chlo, D and I to see the snow - and my lacking presence was more apparent than ever. It troubled me more than it worried me, my hands were shaking trying to photograph frozen time and the city opposite us. Of course I see what I don't have, and I wonder what it is to have. With and without.

Oh, how terrible it is to lose your words!

Forgiveness

2012-01-23T00:07:00.002Z

I know it's a bit odd to still be writing about December when today is the first day of the Lunar New Year (not to mention a wonderful dinner at Jo's earlier today) but I think there's a certain kind of sentiment to be dwelling in winter hues... And I miss Christmas, and the strange euphoria that was.

Overpriced and overcommercialized cupcakes with the nicest icing color

Liberty for soap-shopping, and I swear this is one of the nicest-smelling soap I've ever bought.

'I could have really loved you' (soap)

Milan made my hands into dry skin and flesh, but my nights were warm with conversations and wine

All too quiet in Kamari, picking volcanic stones

Maybe when I have the time (though I may be lying) I will talk about Christmas break soon...

The Point of No Return

2012-01-21T17:57:00.002Z

More often that not, I find it hard to be honest - explained by my overeager attempts at being cryptic and a complete withdrawal from life. I'm not sure what is to be achieved from me telling you this but I think I needed to say this so that I can be reassured (myself more than anyone else, really) that I do care about different causes, I care about what shapes life and its meaning therein, and all of the people I have met, and that I remember all of them too well.

This is my theory: that I put too much emotional contribution in things that is so underserving I overlook the things that should be important. Not to say I can tell which weighs more because it's unfair to divide your attention this way, but we all know that benevolence is impossible.

But since I really should start making dinner soon, so I'll leave it there for now.

The eternal struggle continues - with words or not.

Magic Hours

2012-01-11T09:33:00.003Z

I'm glad to be writing here, now, again, albeit in a most unusual way of chronicling my life where I previously avoided because I didn't know if talking about yourself was a very selfish act.

I just wanted to say, while I was eating my cereal, it drew parallel of experiences- I was at this table eating breakfast with so and so, we were talking about such a topic and I laughed this way I wouldn't have laughed with anyone else, how many days ago, but here I am now without that. I suppose this is more of an observation than anything and sometimes I think the only thing I can be proud of are my memories of redundant details.

Also, started the morning rather soothingly with Rachmaninov's Piano Concerto No. 2 in C minor!

The Bento Process

2012-01-09T01:17:00.002Z

I find it increasingly hard to talk about too many things now, not without compromising emotions. I could talk about my complete lack of faith in reciprocal affections, compensated by what little hope I still have but that only shows how illogical I am. I protest completely- this is not what I want, because I do want to talk about fleeting moments, poignant monochromatic seconds, in all too flowery language-

TRUST ME / I have no other choice / nothing / you did not know me then / if not for this, then what / laugh / pain / joy / immeasurable joy, godly happiness / repeat the mantra, never forget the truth you need to remember / hesitation? / I try so hard / sometimes I forget / I'm so, so sorry / far / long islands / dreams of a world without complications / INFINITE / it would last beyond this lifetime / beyond both ours

That needed to be done. Now my feet are warm and ready for bed!

One and other

2011-12-31T17:11:00.004Z

I apologize for my complete lack of words this year but I'd still like to do my annual photopost and corny reflection of everything, here are some things and places I've seen. I think it's been, like every other year, a hard year and especially this one where everyone keeps trying to disprove beliefs (either mine or someone else's). But I hope the days to come will be better, and in spite of what we constantly lose ourselves in - these fanciful distractions, there are still small joys to have. Distance and meaning and sadness and the moment before dawn, terrible and achingly wonderful.

2011-12-27T13:01:00.002Z

What else did you think I would've done, really

lesser and lesser each day, sans les mots

2011-12-11T17:09:00.003Z

My attempts to writing have failed so tragically that I haven't been able to write at all, but here are some Christmassy photos that I've been up to:

Warm hot chocolate

Borough market in full swing

The stairs leading to our rooftop nicely adorned with diptyque candles

We had a very pleasant Christmas dinner with friends, and it was very comforting to have everyone come over with loads of food and cheer and Christmas songs playing.

I really want to go to the Tiffany & Co. ice rink by Somerset house (practically by the side of my uni) but one must first find someone to go with. It's been a soothing month so far, and I enjoy this quiet collective of many late nights and warmth.

On a side note, hope is too ambitious; I cannot define it without having been utterly crushed completely by its weightlessness.

More photos to come soon, hope everyone is doing well in this festive time of year.

2011-10-23T01:01:00.001+01:00

there is a light that never goes out

2011-10-13T01:45:00.002+01:00

in the days nearing the end I remember kissing you even though I wasn't meant to meaning I was weak and despicably selfish - i hate counting miles and i hate knowing things i should not

Hero

2011-09-30T20:23:00.003+01:00

I am told (most likely a conviction of my own, however) that pain is only illusionary, much like everything else. Yet, this infestation of my mind grows horrible and everything is laid out in gradations of hurt. Since when did these words become the line of command, as though I can replace words with the people I have loved and regrettably lost, possibly forever. I had so much more to say, but when I seek you out it disappears completely. Like the disintegration of my thinning spirit. It will destroy you and me both, whatever I resolve in holding on still

to miss you without being so damn cold all the time

2011-09-21T00:50:00.002+01:00

It is so cold now even when it isn't, I cannot imagine a brand new life (without you, of course) you are a broken man who doesn't care and I am sad- I can't decide which is worst; you held every limb of mine almost too tightly but there is always a time to let go.

i always want to touch you to make sure you are still there- under the sheets with the snow falling, when I was dancing on your feet, up until the last moment where I lost all my words and had nothing left and still nothing mattered enough

I want you to kiss my knees and all the soft bones my body contains and this horrible curse of my softness, this amorous weakness which haunts me and thoroughly ruins me more each day. I don't like you-i don't like the soft kisses, because there is a time for ending and it has already passed and gone and i am left like i am robbed of the only thing i am capable of: my storytelling and your wayward arms.

2011-09-16T02:37:00.001+01:00

THERE IS POISON IN MY MIND

2011-09-07T22:50:00.003+01:00

when characters in book say they have waited all their lives just for one day; now I know how it feels

to question: what have I done wrong to feel this way, or how much more selfish I am than you (definitely less) -then what?

everyone of you, the same! use those words goddamn it is it that hard to let me have even my share that i deserve, even after you have taken the only thing i have

most people feel: why are you leaving me again

godspeed my love

2011-09-06T23:05:00.003+01:00

I don't want to end up like Joanna so I painted ridges on the tips of my fingers so that you can navigate your way to me even when you're lost. Not all hope is lost not all hope is lost then I realise I have lost all hope and my hands are shaking and I see lighting in the corner of my eyes

don't even know what I'll say when I get to you-maybe I never will

I didn't want you to know that when I was sixteen, I was fascinated with the idea of a lover across the oceans bounded only by the power of our words and indelible ink, traveling nautical miles that someday will end up in continental Europe or Russia

time is not enough, I don't know what else, I look across the river and imagine you there with me under the lights during winter

When I imagine you as a child, I imagine your infinite selves, and one that could not have met me but you did and here, here the destruction of the purpose and fate culminate into pain for me and freedom of you-often it is unfair, and perhaps I am the only one to blame because I make it so. Sometimes you wonder if I ever forgave you, I told you there was nothing to forgive except for you to apologize for having met me in the first place

I keep finding things that don't belong to me because you gave them to me- I cannot look at it and I feel like all I can do is cry

all in days to come, my love-godspeed

a moment: it was a wednesday last november, and the leaves barely turned crimson orange, cringing from embarrassment

Three Sisters (II)

2011-08-16T19:01:00.006+01:00

Three years ago, we watched this brilliant (and I mean it, I just didn't know it then) adaption of Three Sisters by Chekhov in an old abandoned meat market which looked like this on the exterior

So the adaption was based on the film Taxi Driver which also starred Jodie Foster so the whole premise was this bloodshed nudity and violence that I, with my eagerness, could not understand. I was frightened by the whole grandeur, elapsing between shock and the modern calm where some scenes were acted out.

And now three years later, three years of nothing's changed- something's change and I understood or I pretend to understand the avant-garde theater tricks that had failed to get to me before. Its pessimism infected me like wildfire and when my final paper came, and all literature beckons- I crippled before the face of it, only understanding it meant the hopelessness after the murders of the Tsars, the fallen Empire.... everything, life.

There is nothing in life for the sisters, but that doesn't mean there isn't anything in ours. To think otherwise is too depressing.

But that's a hard thing to understand, even now- especially when you're leaving, telling me about your dentist, there is always a sentence that never completes itself

2011-08-09T10:37:00.005+01:00

Here are variations of stories to be told

1) What use is it if you can't remember? I left one week after you did (time is not important, presence is) and here it was foolish of me to think it was possible to drown in glasses after glasses of wine and sultry air of ruins.

Before summer ends and before every last line I will forget; we didn't simply chance upon this plaza in our sandals - we'd like to believe we are part of history- and preferably yours

2) I can no longer read you I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel then my voice will only be the mist of your breath in the morning when you wake up in PDT

3) Mojitos make things appear underwater-like with a semi-sonorous spell, only I can tell you how magic feels like before winter and not after- it's ridiculous if you ask me; you need me

4) Better luck next time

are you what you eat

2011-08-03T17:42:00.003+01:00

Photos from MART 130 where we dined for brunch, it was an absolute yum for a winter morning in the Southern hemisphere where I foolishly went during my summer break, nonetheless with yum food:

CLICK FOR ADDRESS JUST GO THERE IF YOU LIVE THERE OK

Breakfast with poached egg topped with hollandaise sauce, bacon-pieces baked beans and avocado dip~

Smoked salmon with poached eggs and sausages

This is what we made for lunch one day, just thought it looked good

Vegetarian pizza topped with olives and salad

Making Pimm's

2011-07-28T15:19:00.000+01:00

wish you stayed versus wish I stayed

2011-07-21T17:58:00.002+01:00

AS THOUGH I CAN JUSTIFY ANYTHING WITH UPPERCASE LETTERS SO IT SEEMS LIKE I'M SCREAMING ALL THESE WORDS TO GET THROUGH TO YOU EVEN THOUGH IT WILL FAIL BEFORE I CAN TRY

LIKE THE FIRST TIME YOU SECRETLY HELD MY HAND IN THE UPPER DECK OF THE BUS

la cuenta, por favor!

2011-07-05T11:46:00.002+01:00

Started the summer with Spain; here is only a portion of Madrid because each place deserves their own post:

Sangria when we first arrived

One of the many cafes in Plaza Mayor

Child

Old man

Alcove leading up to the Chocolateria and churros

Palais Royal

Mercado de San Miguel

El Rastro

Museum Reina Sofia and Picasso's Guernica, Dali's The Great Masturbator

Museum Prado

That's all for now, I should really put up more photos

hello superficial is my name stills

2011-06-25T14:30:00.000+01:00

2011-06-23T12:27:00.001+01:00

ASS

growl

2011-06-18T23:44:00.003+01:00

RS,

I love both of you with an odd passion, but a ferocious passion nonetheless and it pains me nothing less to know that when you are in sunshine state I will be in a comatose state of cocktails. I don't think I can relive the same day ever again in any future lives to come - the grey sky after morning, your mute acknowledgement of my bare presence standing in a horrible use of space with your whole life packed in suitcases and underwear, that Christmas serenity and chaos simultaneously annihilating each other like my svelte frame, barely able to sit up straight. I watched you doing everything including eating beef jerky, I don't think I could have done it any other way that day by running out and down the steps watching things move slowly in relative to your lighting speed leaving further away from me. Whenever I think of you I think of myself as the saddest person in the world but that's not true.

So, you don't give a fuck

2011-06-09T00:38:00.000+01:00

you said "minimalistic" and I understood

diddums

2011-06-08T17:47:00.002+01:00

I wake up every morning knowing: a) you have left me forever b) I will never see you again, both of which are not very feasible to live on

2011-06-06T11:33:00.000+01:00

i should've said this a long time ago: i can't write anymore

2011-06-02T21:16:00.002+01:00

sometimes i ask myself selfish questions: why do i bother reading kant or wilde or whoever fuck we think is a great literary artist when it's so much easier to be brainwashed by sexpopsongs and drinking my life away - what is this intelligence for when i can pay my debts with a penchant for an idealess world and replace it with nights i don't remember because i like it, i can fuck someone just because i am goddamn beautiful don't give me any self-esteem bullshit i have done things you will regret your whole life

all this writing and writing and endless endless alphabets

these words lose their meaning without an audience
these words are ruined anyway how can you mend something that doesn't exist

i am beginning to think i am ruthless

AMOR AND PSYCHE

2011-05-28T19:50:00.003+01:00

i’ve always imagined our departing embrace to transcend beyond imagination and explained only by our physical bodies interwoven and separated by an all-consuming and god-like power that is unknown or yet to be known

심장

2011-05-25T16:55:00.001+01:00

2011-05-23T01:27:00.003+01:00

what I kind of want to say is (without staggering my sentences) whenever we are in bed and I look at you, I just feel an explosion of sadness

what would dionysus do?

2011-03-27T23:54:00.005+01:00

i stopped buying stamps ever since pop music started taking over the world and my body filled with milk, fertile with toxic waste i don’t necessarily enjoy. i stopped waiting for the right time ever since i know you would fuck girls who could pull it off - whatever the hell that really means. everything i have learned has only made the progression of my cancer worse, my doctors say ‘cancer of the mind’ i say cancer of life

today, i got a tattoo down my spine

WHAT IS THIS BRAZEN GLORY I TAKE YOUR ARMS INTO MINE WILD PULSATING JOYS THE REMAINDER OR WAS IT REMINDER OF LIFE DIVIDED BY THE TIME WHEN YOU HAVE NOT YET MET ME WHILE I ACHE FOR YOUR BODY WARM NEXT TO MINE I AM NEXT IN LINE AND THE END OF HISTORY IN YOUR MEMORY

with a disclaimer that said

my young murderous mind salvages what’s left of your already consumed appendages. spring awakening and sexual gratification is just an excuse for revenge

2011-02-21T19:45:00.001Z

tragic intricacies

plus

2011-02-11T20:47:00.002Z

LADUREÉ

on Rue Saint-Honoré

adorer

2011-02-07T02:02:00.002Z

JARDIN DE TUILERIES

PONT NEUF

TOUR DE EIFFEL - CHAMPS DE MARS

LOURVE

SACRÉ COEUR

NOTRE DÂME

KCILY

2011-01-29T16:55:00.006Z

click to read in full

digitally:

i keep wanting to tell you not to give up

or are you supposed to say that to me

i want to date a rapper

he will talk to me without pausing for breath

without any need for punctuation

onlywhenthereisabsolutelynooxygenleft

after he undresses me with his words

not even lightning matches his speed

until i no longer know if he is swearing at me or adoring me

there is no different between 'you cunt' and 'my whole life'

in a shop window i was looking for you but all i saw was

'keep calm i love you'

chaos is spelled with anger

chaos

is when i cry in front of you

is when i get up and leave

is when you leave

is when we don't want to

(second page)

we only exist in between these cracks ~~until the sun decides to come and darkness is no longer~~ please don't waste any more words we only have this much left before -

Losing your soul in the US Embassy

2011-01-26T15:24:00.014Z

Hello everyone, I bring some uncomforting and to a point, terrible news to what few readers I have left in this meandering space which I fill with nondescript words and undecipherable puzzles (yes there are puzzles). Anyway I'm about to embark on a more serious matter today in which I yearn to express my honest if not bizarre confusion that was thwarted upon me in the recent weeks.

My main point is that going to the US Embassy (in London) is like losing your soul. At this point, perhaps I should raise a disclaimer should I be somehow be liable for defamation/whatever else as I am simply expressing my perspective on this present issue; not excluding my still inherent confusion. So my metaphor is wholly apt, in my very humble opinion - having to give up a soul for a country or however you choose to ascribe it. Let me explain to you the present conundrum: I was supposed to attend a conference in Boston in February next month but have thrice, refused visitor visa into THE USA. Why is that so? Apparently under a section of their Immigration Act I have not demonstrated sufficient socioeconomic ties in UK.

At this point I might add, I have no lunging overwhelming desire to abandon life in London and scurry to make a living in US - which I think is what they fear most. Lawyers-to-be-19-year-olds who discard everything they have worked for to get into University of the Year 2010-11 (why that is, is an entirely different matter and that was also a joke if case you did not get it) and jump ship/plane/helicopters/whatever it might be into THE USA where I have no purpose at all to continue academically.

While I understand their (their being THE USA) concern over national security and probably illegal persons constantly trying to go into THE USA; why might I be the truly exceptional and rare case? That is my only confusion. Also, I like might to add that another member of my university delegation attending the same conference possessing extremely similar conditions to mine including nationality, enrolled in the same course and also in the same socialeconomic situation; that member has successfully attained a visa.

Of course I feel bothered and this is unjust, and I believe this is rightly justified.

That aside, I understand that of course, THE USA, like every other consulate, exercise the right to refuse visa by discretion. By hey, looking at the present circumstances, why is the outcome for two persons with the same disposition utterly different?! Surely it puzzles a reasonable person to no end that such an ordeal has happened! I speak with utmost disappointment and sorrowful anger, also a sad smiley face :( Also, note that I have tried this three times.

Now I would like to point out the way in which the consulate officer treated me. Prior to my last-ditch attempt, I thought the officer was being extremely stringent BUT NO. Third time, fate had me meet Lady Steel. Lady Steel was truly remarkable, I have to admit. LS proceeded to yell at me in a way to cause me great seconds of shock if not apprehend an immediate fear of violent in the case where she takes up her keyboard and monitor and hurl it straight to my face. Why did Lady Steel scream at me?! She also disgustingly threw words such as "NO I DO NOT NEED ANYTHING, ACTUALLY" and I am certain she said that with plentiful of distaste when I asked she wanted to see some documents. .... okay, Lady Steel, I get it. What is up with this yelling?

How threatening can one get, you might imagine. But Lady Steel in her steelish demeanor, razor-sharp tongue continued to hiss phrases like "ANSWER THE QUESTION", "if you do not answer me properly, I can assure you that this interview will end really quickly!" Now everyone, tell me if that does not properly scare you! Mind you, this was spoken in a decibel three times louder than usual... I had no choice but to apologize immediately in a sonorous yelp to Lady Steel. Hello, I am not a held under questioning as a suspect for a murder crime why are you shouting. at. me. I couldn't believe now in retrospect, I had actually apologized to her after the way she treated me like a suspect.

But what I'm getting at is... international students living in an EU country have limited rights they might as well not exist. Ok maybe that was an exaggeration but my point still stands. What could I do? Fly home to get a visa done?! Now I can truly say that I feel sincerely, that I am being discriminated against, due to whatever reasons THE USA and/or Lady Steel has against me. Sadface. Boo hoo. This is truly irrational and the most bizarre thing I have ever experienced ever. I have consulted several different persons, all with different level of experience, and have told me that this was similarly, a surprising result. Worst still, everyone keeps asking me to reapply because they too believe I should qualify. This unfortunately does not apply to me. So do I have any remedies? Sadly no. Lady Steel yelled at me and got away with it. Shame on you, Lady Steel.

I'd just like to say that I am beginning to lose any hope left I have for humanity. Democracy, social rights and all that crap - non-existent, I'm sorry. Also, there isn't any moral to this story. When I asked how to ensure my future application would be successful, Lady Steel just pointedly recited something I could have just as easily recite out of my law textbook thank you very much.

THE USA, I think you have besmirched whatever superpower name you had left.

The Great American Dream? I think not.

This is a melancholic period for me as most of the books I read/tv shows I watch are American and now I am skeptical of everything I read or hear from THE USA.

2011-01-22T15:26:00.002Z

2011-01-18T17:21:00.000Z

"you're too young to be so sad"

why do bad things happen to good people

2011-01-18T10:11:00.004Z

asking why bad things happen to good people is asking god why war kills people and if i can't even answer the former how does a higher being soothes your soul. inferno is a weird place to be, probably

if a piano fell on a nobel prize winner, why? people should not deserve to die in vain; hearts don't deserve half as much pain

bad news for me

you did say does it matter

but why doesn't it matter

it does and it should ok

'fun': the friction of your distal phalanges on someone's zesty zygomatic bone DID YOUR CARPAL BONES CRIPPLE OR WAS IT MINE TO SACRIFICE

For Jane

2011-01-13T22:24:00.001Z

225 days under grass
and you know more than I.
they have long taken your blood,
you are a dry stick in a basket.
is this how it works?
in this room
the hours of love
still make shadows.

when you left
you took almost
everything.
I kneel in the nights
before tigers
that will not let me be.

what you were
will not happen again.
the tigers have found me
and I do not care.

Charles Bukowski

blank

2011-01-05T16:28:00.004Z

yknow the funny thing is that i was exactly like you when i was seventeen (as though i have ever left that age) i used dreamy words like i was skilled, like i could glide over ice so easily but when you go to an ice rink all you see is slush and grey dirt - which is pretty much the same as snow but then if a story has two sides, so does snow: the nice, pristine side and the horrible wet side. and like you, i used to spend months thinking about the importance of boarding gates and what few expectations compared to a handful of disappointments. (this has never changed) i used to think i knew all about the obsession of sadness but i don't, which in comparison - was a truly arrogant thing. so now: what is so great about that type of understanding? surely i'd be content in moving to things like affection and the total opposite of what used to be what i thought was the definition of raison d'être

i never finish my sentences

2011-01-04T21:15:00.002Z

GRANOLA FUCKING BARS THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT I WANT TO SAY

what i want to say goes beyond muesli and grain, hi my life is a cockscrew rollercoaster i am weak weak weak weak perpetual hunger and desire, literally and emotionally

i don't know what your deal is

the year in review (one)

2010-12-30T15:29:00.004Z

these are all the things i have wrote this year yet are unexplained and some that have not seen the light of day

1) i wrote this when someone i hated when i was fourteen died last december, i typed this only six months after it happened. i'm not sure what to make of it, or what you would

2) the last time you saw me you put your hands on my shoulder, was that closure was that pain or pleasure without the element of surprise? when you left me i was obsessed with renaissance frescoes because i spent my time gazing at white plastered ceilings (what we used to do in the dark) i thought there were only two conversations that mattered to me but now i don't even remember what i said. i wrote a book for you, in indelible ink word for word

here is that book, I left out X

i started burning paper

4) i'm not sure what else i have to say

enjoy the last day of the year

2010-12-29T23:52:00.002Z

i'm supposed to say something understanding, or act that way but you know i can't you know the way our lives are mesmerizing to the point of a smothering lurker, a mysterious, dark-hooded dementor, soul seeking ever relishing some.... sort of logic from what do even call this? this

end

is the heavy end of the seesaw nearing to midnight nearing apocalypse

i can hear noises, if they are imaginary then blame your absence from my life

c'est tout

adwise

2010-12-29T02:13:00.002Z

never love, only live
i cannot tell you how important this is
alive or a life: which is closer to your heart
leave is another - better maybe option
a p a r t should be spelt with spaces for its intended purpose
you should save me instead
“fuck i’m going to die”
“then don’t”
i don’t want you (to) and i want you (to(o))
believe me when i tell you i’m lying
that was a lie
this is not sunday crosswords
oceans are worlds too
distance is not malleable
at least not like souls (cannot be sold like frequent flyer mileage)

amo amas amat amanus amatis amant

like i would want to touch anyone other than you

2010-12-18T00:59:00.002Z

the only photo i have of the snow; because the rest are in my phone and i can't be arsed putting any up because it's late at night and i'm hungry and all alone :(

on the other hand, christmas break! go eat your mince pies and drink mulled wine ;)

we see through

2010-12-11T10:37:00.004Z

1) by george she's beautiful! unlike her i twist in my soul but i don't make pretzels (ha ha) so i learn my way by remembering the weight of each of your footsteps. barefoot, with your sneakers, bruised toe in a cast..... hell on earth heaven on earth

2) this is a non existent clause

christmas roast and turkey with stuffing and cranberry sauce

3) CH3CH2OH

4) inflammable soul

5) five deadly sins

these are our fists (hearts in disguise)

2010-12-05T16:35:00.004Z

"your heart is as big as your fist right"

next to an evergreen and in between gaping words i remember the slope of your middle finger, and how it doesn't matter. when i said on wednesday nothing is real what i meant was you are real you are here you are my present and this is not a dream. everytime i look at your eyelashes and chocolate irises, time does not decelerate and moments do not suspend but. but. BUT my words are bigger than my heart how do i ever tell you this? i am here in three ways: blood (always) flesh (on weekends) and tears (inebriated) and you have seen all three but what does it mean - we cannot change the world alone, your heart is bigger than mine but mine overfills with affection there is no where else to go to except to you

(r: i need you, stay with me)

so i say this as a fact

(c: i will i will i will)

i'd love to love you for a heartbeat of a second just to know how it feels like; in a lub-dub:

there is infinite possibilities and fire alarms don't exist while we sleep and dream in sync, the only thing closer than close is theseunsungwordsfromusboth

2010-12-01T14:23:00.000Z

"i won't let you go"

"why"

"i don't want you to go"

2010-11-28T20:33:00.003Z

WRITE ONE LEAF ABOUT ORGASMS.

have you waited all your life to feel this alive? all i think about is your capillaries expanding and your blood boiling and i hear your chest exploding each time i put my ear to it, tenderly. the whites of your eyes convulse with fearful ecstasy, i am increasingly scared your pulse will outrace mine.... don't look at me like i know the answers to the universe, don't lie to me with half-truths or the truth. don't answer my questions with questions and then give me sad kisses

"wonderful, beautiful, amazing, awesome......."

"no"

"breathtaking"

"yeah"

make this go on forever

2010-11-19T20:09:00.005Z

the weight of water

the way you told me to look past everything i had every learnt

the final word and the final sentence you uttered to me was love

the last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long i could

2010-11-11T19:21:00.002Z

that wasn't meant for you but now i think it is

stop reading off the teleprompter stop drinking stop thinking about the darkness you own

and tell me how you really feel

les batîments

2010-10-31T15:40:00.005Z

More photos because I have a week off this week, yay! Last weekend, a bunch of us went to Camden and Canary Wharf. Though Camden was the one place that was prone to us getting "stabbed" I wasn't going to admit that I was the one who wanted to go (COUGH lucky no one I went with read blogs or have anything to do with the blogsphere). But there were really cool shops and vinyl shops!!!!! and cool trinkets etc.

Banana and stawberries nutella crêpes and onion fajita (gross because I hate onions)

Don't you love my scarf!

Fresh orange juice

SOAP - how pretty do they look?! It's so kitsch I want to buy them all and never use it, ever

Then we went off to Canary Wharf with the DLR which was a long long long and long walk from the tube station to the actual DLR station.

Canary Wharf was really really nice though,

There were these clocks in the middle of the boulevard

yay flowers

then we grocery shopped at M&S and Waitrose - sophisticated yes?

Happy halloween everyone!

2010-10-29T22:21:00.002+01:00

you cracked my knuckles last night and it made a sound!

i laugh and you laugh

i'm sorry for stealing your words, but it's only because i have none left

i want you back in my life (i want you to feel the same)

touching is the only way i know how to tell you what it really means

home is the easiest place to get lost

Portobello Market

2010-10-25T15:32:00.002+01:00

Three weeks ago, before I became so unrealistically busy because law school is demanding like that with all the smart asses who are 1000x more studious than me I have no choice but to study too :( in one week, I've written two essays. Which is pretty ridiculous, because never before in my life have I done that.

Anyway, so three weeks ago I went to Notting Hill!

Tube station!

Hummingbird bakery which was so crowded but I got a cupcake :)

Red velvet! Yay

Nutelle crêpes!

Market style

It started drizzling halfway though so it was a tumultuous battle with the umbrella through the streets! Such a pretty place :) I also had gelato which was yum because ice cream is always yum.

Wow it's been so long since I blogged and it feels weird. All I do nowadays is read cases after cases and trying to make sense out of it....... And trying to self-heal my bruised knuckles. It's only Monday today and it's soooo loooong till Friday comes :(

Model UN meeting tomorrow, so I have to read up on some info now. Neverending work to do I want to weep.

2010-10-22T01:08:00.000+01:00

if I never see you again
I will always carry you
inside
outside

on my fingertips
and at brain edges

and in centers
centers
of what I am of
what remains.

- Charles Bukowski

if i never see you again

2010-10-17T00:20:00.002+01:00

I HAVE SPREAD MY DREAMS UNDER YOUR FEET

TREAD SOFTLY BECAUSE YOU TREAD ON MY DREAMS

2010-10-01T00:41:00.003+01:00

you didn't dot your j, only your i's in the letters of my name

i i i i i (miss you)

2010-09-25T01:04:00.001+01:00

"i really do have to leave"

"i know"

Aqueous

2010-09-18T02:51:00.002+01:00

Do you remember what I had
said to you, a year before? How could
I not love you? How could I
not? We had just met. (...) my heart had a
void in its vocabulary just the size
of your name. Love is so small. It
could fit into the hole in a bead, the eye
of a needle, and still not seal it.
It's this world that is so huge.

Now our lives feel reduced
to abacuses.
I count the days it will be before
I can see you, you count
the days it's been since I left.

The Murder Mile: "Water", Sharanya Manivannan

2010-09-14T18:15:00.003+01:00

it was the way he said your name tonight like he was reminding me of you

underwater terrain

2010-09-08T10:22:00.000+01:00

these are underwater slides, taken in the sea

the sea and the coral and the reef

surely this is pertinent:

(click and enlarge)

read carefully, these are the words carved into hand signals that i couldn't utter out loud, they're all for you so take it

come here

hold hands

don't forget to exhale

i don't understand

there is a lot of smoke and lonely people. i don’t expect you to understand. what is wrong with you? i love you and you don’t even care. the fiber optics brought us together, the fiber optics split us into pieces. heartbreaker. do you even know what i’m trying to say? she asked you out, i hate her for life. i’m sorry. you should be with me. i don’t know why you aren’t.

it’s not like it was easy for me to drive alone and watch an empty house suffer the aftershocks of an earthquake. every friday, i only wait for one connection that joins me to you but it doesn’t. pick up your damn phone sometimes, i really need to you hear what i don’t have the courage to say.

teach me, teach me how to be heartless. this is not a bargain. say no her her, because if you say yes i might just die. that’s how much a betrayal can cost. i think you know the reason why i’m still here, these are not illusions of your mind. they’re real and so are you and so am i. i need to hear it to know that i am still alive. this is the greatest day of your life, this is not the greatest day of my life.

"don't mince your words we're not making spaghetti bolognese"

"i was thinking cream carbonara"

THIS IS HOW TO LOVE COMPLETELY

2010-08-25T18:10:00.002+01:00

today is tuesday; email me on saturday by tao lin

almost bought the book, but didn't

2010-08-24T15:10:00.003+01:00

oh hey I spend my days pressing metallic buttons and getting ribbon ink on my hands. what upppp - click to read.

Cereal

2010-08-19T17:22:00.003+01:00

Today I wrote something on different cereals and thought you might like to know some cereals I've had in my life so far. So here we go!

1. Lucky Charms

HOW GOOD ARE THE MARSHMALLOWS? The fun is picking out the colorful marshmallows right out of the box and leaving the dull sugared oats one to eat with milk. This cereal makes me happy. Before life decided to catch up and all. Lucky charms!

2. Trix

To be honest, I didn't like Trix all that much. The coloring was the trick. I like the grape and lime ones most. And the red ones I think. Not the banana ones though. It made my tongue color like rainbows it made milk in the bowl swirly! Sort of a tropical fruity selection if you ask me.

3. Cookie Crisp

These were pretty yum. They were like miniature cookies (as you can see in the all-too-obvious name anyway) that melted in your tongue with the milk! Just like cookies dunked in milk. But cereal fashion! It was a cute sort of cereal, this one.

4. Froot Loops

Froot Loops! They taste quite similar to Trix except it's more sugary. And loopy! Anyway it was just another one of those cereals that I ate just for the fun and spontaneity of it. Frooty tooty.

3. Cheerios

Quite frankly, Cheerios is just Froot Loops without the coloring for market advertising targeted at families with kids. This is the 'healthy' option but it tastes nothing like cereal! But the name has always stuck by me, Cheerios. Cheerios. Cheerios cheerios cheerios. Bummer.

3. Koko Krunch

Classic cereal we all grown to know and to some, love. I wasn't cuckoo about koko but it was nice. It made my milk chocalatey and I always brought it to school for snacks. Koko krunch.

But my favorite of all cereals, and the heart of all cereals will be

6. Honey Stars

And it's called Honey Stars! Honey. Stars. Those two words combined are like the entire universe. Like something cosmic and... amazing. Which it of course, is. One day I might just be able to write some poetic shit about this cereal I swear. It's my fascination with honeyed metaphors and the space and universe combined. Honest.

This is just a part of the cereal collection. I've had more encounters with many walks of cereals I'm sure. But I'll leave you at that. Which is your favorite cereal? And what milk do you eat your cereal with?

Bonfire Night

2010-08-10T15:27:00.003+01:00

remember remember always remember seventh of june (perhaps more disastrous than guy fawkes) remember the way the sun barely glinted through stone-cold monuments, (fake injuries included) ask me now how

i feel; sad happy remorseful guilty lachrymose

yknow the only thing i haven’t answered was what i wanted from you so now i will. i wanted

so many things, (too many) like

for the weight of impenetrable closeness that could crush my ribs and for the only air i could breathe sultrily moist from lack of reality-abundance of honesty, to suffocate under the weight of density but realize the importance of what it meant, for time to last like it had no beginning or end, nearing and waning each century just to reborn from pristine white ashes

and i wanted i wanted what i wanted most was to always feel magical (and your fingers did that spools of wonder and delight), some messianic epiphany like like like hot soup burning my tongue because it was always like that

i wanted you here, there, everywhere

i wanted selfish things (maybe)

2010-08-02T12:28:00.002+01:00

TRISTESSE, C'EST QUOI?

TREIZE SURPRISES, LA PEUR, LA COLÈRE, TOMBER AMOUREUX, OUBLIER, SOUVENIR

"pourquoi tu es toujours si triste"

"parce que c'est la seule chose qui a du sens"

Our Sort of Destiny

2010-08-01T04:52:00.004+01:00

click to read

Solstice

2010-07-21T05:20:00.002+01:00

Vie

2010-07-16T03:21:00.000+01:00

Here is my life, sort of.

Antigone

2010-07-13T01:33:00.002+01:00

1

we thought he shot rifles in the army. that’s why he was so good at all those first person shooter games.

“i was a clerk.”

that was pretty fucking brilliant. we laughed our heads off that night, and didn’t tell him the truth when he asked why.

2

you said his girlfriend was nice as hell. it was also raining.

3

I don’t believe in time zones and distances, okay?

If we travel faster than light then we can time-travel.

She said, pass me the salt please.

She said, why are you sitting so far away.

You said, please forgive me I never meant for it to hurt.

My psychiatrist told me to think of happy colors.

I think I only have ten minutes left every day.

Do you want to jump off a bed 30 feet tall or

a bridge of the same height?

He wants some vodka godammit.

Who do you think you are?

I said, was Shakespeare a cynic?

How often do you cry and how many cups is sorrow, she asked.

You said, goldfishes or dogs.

Milk is good for your bones.

I think I remember that, both you and I said.

Dying in the air is frightening and tragic.

She said, don’t speak it’ll only make it worst.

Does it hurt? Show me.

Don’t fall, I won’t know what to do.

I like this soup.

He said, I’m so full now.

It’s not enough, you said over and over.

Let’s go home.

clem

2010-07-12T09:42:00.002+01:00

these violent delights have violent ends

2010-07-07T08:20:00.004+01:00

you said, ‘come break my fucking leg’ so i did. i heard your bones snap under my fingers, its fissures splitting into grains of dusts. then you kissed my nose before you broke it. i was bleeding before i knew it and everything was crimson. i broke your thumbs and snap! you were crying like a baby. you could see the blood in between the whites of my nails and on the tip of your tongue. then you bit my lips until they turned purple and i felt like i was riding on a blade of a windmill. maybe i was hallucinating, or dreaming or both. i dug my nails into your collarbone and engraved the date so you would never forget. you pressed my cheeks until you could see arterial blood flowing like polluted rivers. we took turns dislocating our shoulders and felt the hurtling speed of pain. the locomotive of darkness is not far from where we are and bone by bone, we broke each other. each began to hurt in searing agony. each fist was stone upon flesh, scratches and bruises and tiny volcanoes erupted on the smoothness of your back like illuminating cities on fire.

“i’m sorry”

“i know”

“i’m in love with you”

“you’re in love with broken bones”

but the words were the ones that made us dissolve.

To Various Persons Talked To All At Once

2010-07-06T03:17:00.001+01:00

You have helped hold me together.
I'd like you to be still.
Stop talking or doing anything else for a minute.
No. Please. For three minutes, maybe five minutes.
Tell me which walk to take over the hill.
Is there a bridge there? Will I want company?
Tell me about the old people who built the bridge.
What is "the Japanese economy"?
Where did you hide the doctor's bills?
How much I admire you!
Can you help me to take this off?
May I help you to take that off?
Are you finished with this item?
Who is the car salesman?
The canopy we had made for the dog.
I need some endless embracing.
The ocean's not really very far.
Did you come west in this weather?
I've been sitting at home with my shoes off.
You're wearing a cross!
That bench, look! Under it are some puppies!
Could I have just one little shot of Scotch?
I suppose I wanted to impress you.
It's snowing.
The Revlon Man has come from across the sea.
This racket is annoying.
We didn't want the baby to come here because of the hawk.
What are you reading?
In what style would you like the humidity to explain?
I care, but not much. You can smoke a cigar.
Genuineness isn't a word I'd ever use.
Say, what a short skirt! Do you have a camera?
The moon is a shellfish.
I can't talk to most people. They eat me alive.
Who are you, anyway?
I want to look at you all day long, because you are mine.
Might you crave a little visit to the Pizza Hut?
Thank you for telling me your sign.
I'm filled with joy by this sun!
The turtle is advancing but the lobster stays behind. Silence has won the game!
Well, just damn you and the thermometer!
I don't want to ask the doctor.
I didn't know what you meant when you said that to me.
It's getting cold, but I am feeling awfully lazy.
If you want to we can go over there
Where there's a little more light.

Kenneth Koch

fourth of july

2010-07-04T10:12:00.000+01:00

do you want to learn about two strange lives on the fourth of july a year ago? i sat in my best friend's car for the first time and he called me an old soul and it felt like i had aged too much that night, waning into uncertainty and a whole future we owed ourselves. i had brown hair and smelled like chemicals, i was combustible and about to simmer in dusty air and you were there you were there like a surprise! i had pearls on my hands and a bow on my wrist, i knotted strings and tied ribbons on my ivory blouse, dyed my fingers with soysauce and dipped in almond perfume. j took a photo of me with an empty space which you would fill after fifteen minutes, a space waiting for its cosmic presence. your car keys tingled and made noises, and today i'd like to please myself that you chose to sit next to me. was it: i was nervous i didn't know you or i didn't know you so i was nervous?

the night of fourth of july you were already eighteen you knew my name and i said hi, in three hundred and sixty five days i will already have memorized the spaces between your fingers and learnt them from my best memory. and even if you had not spoken i would have searched for your voice and miss it as though it would be heart churning not knowing it or harder to breathe not hearing it. and so, i have tried like i am trying now, to think of the curiosity of your soul one year ago and the same moment today. and i want you to know that it's possible to be kicking and screaming, kissing and dreaming — both rising and falling at the same time, even faster than the speed of light, the same way i'd like to travel to you.

My D.ear

2010-07-03T06:24:00.003+01:00

I would like to bring your attention to some news, whether worthy of celebration or not is up to you to decide entirely. So on Friday it was my one-week anniversary with my d.ear, who has been a part of me for my entire life and this I cannot lie and have assisted me endlessly, tirelessly even in my dream, digested melodious rhythms and sometimes sad news... I cherish you with all my heart will allow.

Which is also.... my half deaf ear hence the punctuation. Since I am queen of all puns I thought here is an appropriate picture for you to see all that is wonderful about my ear as well.

Through thick and thin, loud and soft whispers and romantic endearments, you were always there for me and this one week has taught me much. On another note, please unblock yourself soon because I am getting a bit irked of hearing vacuum sounds all day long :( but know that no matter what happens, you will forever be a part of me.

On an unrelated note, this was how I looked like when I finished watching the season finale of House Season 6 at about 2am in the morning and the house was quiet:

Brought to you by my eternal lame puns and wit! Have a good weekend.

Jenny

2010-06-28T09:01:00.002+01:00

Today

2010-06-25T04:37:00.004+01:00

Specimen #1

For Everyone

Dear ____,

this is me writing good morning. Cloudy day. I thought it was only 8am when I woke but it was already almost 11am. It feels like I’m learning how to write letters all over again in school. Addressee, tone of voice do any of you remember? Where did those years escape to, quietly beneath each anniversary of our births and then again every year, when you see fireworks in the sky and the phone lines are jammed. Now I am eighteen and a half and alive. But mostly I feel younger and too old. How old do you feel you are? I was bad at drawing, hopeless at reality because I asked ‘why’ too much then I got an encyclopedia but I never did read it and it’s now on my shelf back home 2423.91 miles away and I get homesick. I like post-it notes and in-flight entertainment. If I was an addict, I would get high on the smell of coffee in the earliest hours of the day. I want to ask questions but I am scared, yesterday morning I woke up with my legs shivering down the stairs and then I had breakfast. I think the most wonderful thing in life is holding hands and I like listening to ‘I Want To Hold Your Hand’ when I think of hands. I think Munchausen By Proxy is a cool name for a disease, because TB sounds boring.

and this is me saying take care, whoever is reading this and I will write soon.

Specimen #2

by Eric Shaw

Have a good weekend everyone!

You've Got The Love

2010-06-23T07:38:00.002+01:00

I think you should all watch this video.

You know what? I think in the heart of hearts, I will always be a pol sci student. Last exam tomorrow!

when you were seventeen

2010-06-16T12:52:00.003+01:00

when you were seventeen and your spine hard as steel, you were immortal because the night never dies and there is light in your eyes liquid courage burns down your throat and you rise up from the ashes of vertigo with the same damn rhythm loop replaying in your mind in the intoxication of the night. they've been doing it for years and they do nothing but ache but you, you're brand new tonight, tonight I am new everything screams and there is nothing so amazing like your friends beside you and lovers with sex on their minds and the last breath of moment into perfection that you realize you could just. die.

and sometimes i'm sorry i wasn't there for any of it

death comes slowly but surely but happiness is a choice

2010-06-13T15:34:00.000+01:00

This scene. just.

11º

2010-06-11T08:28:00.005+01:00

I would just like to say there's no use in writing list of things to say when you're going to forget them anyway when the time finally comes. The recognition mechanism kicks in your gut and even your blood so everything else is arbitrary and small what you see is what you get words get lost in the crevice of your collarbones and that hidden spot on your left shoulder and that's all the truth there is really which is to say: melting

for example, I was supposed to say please come to an exhibiton with me so that we'd see a life in the hands of someone else, sculptured from nothing into an existence close to satisfaction and these are secrets if you can get them from me: (because there is nothing so wonderful as you, on the top of the list along with honey stars and light leaks)

'may I' instead of 'can I' was too articulately correct that I smile whenever I think of it and also the night with all. those. tremors because it was early and it was late somewhere in my mind and friction accelerated these violent pulses

and now

*

hi everyone I wish I talked to you more often

2010-06-05T14:42:00.000+01:00

Things I would like to remember (even if it kills me):

1. maps

2. hands/wrists/fingers/arms

3. overcooked rice versus perfectly cooked rice

4. possession obsession

5. breathing slowly and synchronously

6. 'what about me?'

7. the point of no return

8. "and i remember when you found everything in between my head and yours, between my whispers and yours, the distance between my laughs i let leak out like secrets and yours. and i think you are certain things to me and sometimes i’m afraid of them." (via likelava)

9. hallucinations

10. this is not the end

2010-05-24T11:15:00.002+01:00

You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you that he loves
you, but he loves you. And you feel like you've done something terr-
ible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself
a grave in the dirt, and you're tired. You're in a car with a beautiful boy,
and you're trying not to tell him that you love him, and you're trying to
choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and
he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your
heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you
don't even have a name for.

- Richard Silken

expect nothing, live purely on surprise

Winter break will be the death of me.

Pleasures

2010-05-21T14:02:00.002+01:00

Henry Miller & Anaïs Nin

Saturation

2010-05-16T07:04:00.006+01:00

et me tell you what happens (when you're around)

memory remains memory but the sounds recede into the background, losing every lustrous quality except for one; the only voice I have grows weak and impalpable, every word limps until each syllable is mere rubbish. Impossibly so but truthfully so, there is too much too say in too little a space. Laughter fails too pathetically. Sadness is void. The colors morph and fight each other until they become cloudy, grey brown hazy magenta.... dull. But there is something - not color nor sound - that never fades, that saturates every structure of this minuscule bubble whether happy or sad, that blinds, that make my irises golden, that make sounds move faster in cold air, everything. And that... relieves hurt and pain, magnifies joy, rediscover desire, which sleeps and breathes in the vessels of my veins until truth releases it from its hiding place.

Since Feeling Is First/Things That You Hold Dear

2010-05-10T06:56:00.003+01:00

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

-e.e.cummings

Mixtape

2010-05-04T11:21:00.004+01:00

I made a Winter Playlist (since it's nearing winter now and regardless of your climate you should listen to these songs!) Download here, and please listen them in order because it's arranged that way :) yay.

okay tracklist! -

Your Hands are Cold by Dario Marianelli

So Nice by Diana Krall

Be Be Your Love by Rachael Yamagata

If I Never See Your Face Again by Maroon 5

Isight Surprise by Hans Zimmer And Heitor Pereira

Take It Back by She & Him

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing by Jack Johnson

The Golden Floor by Snow Patrol

The Rain by The Swell Season

Infinity by The xx

We Never Change by Coldplay

Is This The End by Zee Avi

download

I have always liked making mixes so hope this one is nice for cold winter listening :)

I'm also making another playlist right now so maybe I'll share this one too. Ok back to my essay.

Have a nice rest of the week!

Merveilleuse

2010-04-27T14:44:00.002+01:00

I like the type of modest and shy happiness, ones where creep up to me slowly when I'm walking alone and suddenly just because. Then that unfathomable curve of lips from remembering. And happiness of slow, gentle memories so sharp but distant it is the entire essence of my mind and nothing else, and not a minute passes that I don't think about it. That is how much it pains and pleasures me to be happy in your (never)presence.

Photos from the weekend in black and white:

typo

2010-04-25T12:56:00.000+01:00

typewrote something recently

2010-04-24T15:08:00.003+01:00

This is how it should be. Happiness in every corner of grey skies.

Ought To Do

2010-04-19T08:00:00.002+01:00

Things I ought to do instead of being here: politics essay, more politics reading, French, politics, Law, politics, and politics.

Mmkay I went to St. Kilda Beach (mentioned in The Great Depression video if you've seen it) for lunch one afternoon,

Those potatoes were really good.

Seafood Chowder - compliments from the chef

Kay my man Proudhon is calling me to answer Qu'est-ce-que la proprieté? Politics has consumed my brain, it's too late to save me, everyone save yourselves.

beginning

2010-04-15T08:34:00.005+01:00

please stop invading my dreams (don't be happy

for me or) ,choke my breath with your name

(without me) there is nothing sadder

than knowing you

can never find out

what I think about

(love is the only reality)

keeping a secret of you

from you (you are the

only reality) is the only mistake

i am making

(note: as usual, the secret lies within. you know what to do!)

Remaining

2010-04-10T15:45:00.002+01:00

I have only one question now:

How can everything be so terrible and good at the same time?

Picnical Adventure

2010-04-08T08:04:00.000+01:00

From Sim's and my camera:

Emma's Malteaser's Chocolate Cake

CHOMP

20 cents game

This Is April

2010-04-08T06:18:00.000+01:00

Here is what April feels, or should feel like:

(minato)

(thundered cat)

(Lauris Love)

Picnic photos next, yes/no?

Easter Weekend!

2010-04-05T13:41:00.004+01:00

Photos from Easter weekend! I haven't posted anything in so long I feel guilty so here are things I did:

KEROPOK

Toblerone

It smelled really good.

4-leaved tato box

Yum.

I realize they are all food-related! (except the origami) Especially the ice cream, it was very veryveryvery good!

ici

2010-04-04T06:53:00.000+01:00

via smokeandmirror

2010-04-03T14:20:00.002+01:00

tell me how it feels

tell me how it's supposed to feel

how do you think it feels

how do you think it's supposed to feel

how do you think I feel